It's Friday. Sex?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
