Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
