With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
