Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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