i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
