She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
