areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
