you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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