I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
