I think I am morally bankrupt
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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