you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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