I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We have started to decorate penises.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
