he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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