Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
