Small penises have feelings too.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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