it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize