im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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