On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
