I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
