I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
