well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
