I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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