I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize