It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
