My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
