nut hugger
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
