He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
