The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got inside last night via doggy door
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
