Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
