That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
