he shaved USA in his pubs
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
