I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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