Got a toothbrush?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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