trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
