I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
