so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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