i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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