I wish I could teleport
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
