ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
