its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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