She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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