You really coming over, don't trick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
