Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
