oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
