i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
