Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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