I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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