That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
