You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The struggles of a small town man whore
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize