How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
