Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
