did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need to sanitize my soul.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
