so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
