Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
