My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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