K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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