i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
