Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Found your dick twin last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
