I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He better not be in your backpack
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
