Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
