i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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