News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
