"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
