My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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