OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
