when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
