Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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