I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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