It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
