Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
