My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
