Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
