The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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