your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
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No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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