I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I could fuck to npr.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
